Are we losing the art of real life conversation?

JUSTISIA SHIPENA
Justicia Shipena



I looked on anxiously as my friend typed out a few words, furrowed her brow and then deleted them with a sigh.

As the clock on the kitchen table threateningly reminded us that time was running out, neither the quick movements of her fingers nor her clear absorption in the subject could hide the fact that she was struggling to find the right words.

“How much longer?” I inquired, anxiously tapping my foot. “You can’t keep him waiting any longer!” The importance of syntactic perfection was not lost on me, but however deadlines had to be met.

We breathed a collective sigh of relief as the ping of her computer notified us that the deed was done, but my relief was short-lived.

While the aforementioned play might seem perfectly reasonable had my friend been sending off her latest history paper to a professor or resume to a potential employer, the anxiety felt a bit misplaced when I considered that it was only a response to some cute guy’s text.

What seems absurd to me is not the fact that we distressed over whether a particular sentence required one or two exclamation points, or whether the smiley face emoji came off as overly enthusiastic especially considering that she wanted to be “just friends.”

What seems absurd is not the fact that we spent 13 minutes thoroughly drafting a four-line response. What seems truly absurd is that our scenario was by no means atypical.

When did communication begin to occur through monkey emojis rather than conversations over tea or family dinner?

This process is definitely associated with the introduction of texting. Think about your own interactions on a daily basis. When was the last time you sent a text message?

According to researchers, people between the ages of 18 to 29 years send and receive an average of 87.7 text messages per day. Based on these statistics, if you are between the ages of 18 and 29, it is overwhelmingly likely that you have texted someone in just the past 20 minutes. I know I have.

Now, when was the last time you actually sat in front of someone and had a meaningful, in-depth conversation? I am talking about an interaction where you shared your thoughts, reflected on your surroundings, and perhaps even expressed your uncertainties.

I am guessing probably not in the past 20 minutes. The number of relevant, face-to-face interactions I have pales in comparison to how many conversations I maintain through a screen.

What I am realising more and more is that conversation through a screen can hardly do the same as an exchange in person. Texting is calculated, it is thought through.

Directly speaking to someone, however, is more genuine, more spontaneous. There is no time for editing. There is no such thing as a delete button for when you utter regrettable words.

If my friend had faced that boy in person, she wouldn’t have had 13 minutes let alone 13 seconds to formulate a sensible response.

Yes, it would have been more stressful and yes, her following panic may have caused her to spurt out words more brutally than necessary. But at least the reply would not have been edited more times than her latest history paper.

In person conversation is an art, one that requires interpersonal skills and social insight, and that is rapidly passed out of sight as modernity progresses.

That being said, I do not mean all virtual communication is empty of meaning, because that certainly is not the case. I am but one of many people who have received text messages that have pulled at my heartstrings and left me in a whirlwind of emotions.

But conversations over text rarely reach the same depths as real discussions. They rarely induce the same intensity of feeling because it is much less risky to type out an apology or a declaration of love than it is to stare vulnerably into someone’s eyes and say it.

Texting is safe, but speaking is brave.

Thus I concluded to ask, are we hiding behind the safety of our screens? Have we entered into an era where the excessive use of “LOL” is preferred to those moments of explosive laughter that leave us bent over, while tears of joy stream down our cheeks?

As society progresses and virtual communication becomes ever more predominant, those meaningful discussions will only become more infrequent.

So I dare you to install some old fashioned bravery into your life.

Ditch the safety of your phone screen and replace a portion of those 87.7 messages with some quality conversations. Don’t let the art of in-person conversation die out. Recover it.