Who were you before they decided for you?

Gabby Tjiroze
Elizabeth Joseph

The cry for impartiality and change in our society is a birth long overdue. Do we as women allow ourselves to be treated as property? Are men really trash? Or is it a case of us not knowing and valuing our worth?

These million dollar questions still stand!

I can list all the factors contributing to the low self-esteem of women, but we all know them.

Apart from the cheating and lying, there are worse things that can scar a woman for life.

Along the way it becomes a joke for some and some of the memes created can leave us ‘deceased’, but that doesn’t mean the fundamentals have changed.

Ladies, the carrier of human kind, the breadwinner in most cases, the mentors, how much have you been hurt by a partner or by society as a whole?

I know most of you reading this are probably wondering why I think I am so wise and why the heck I am addressing a subject I know nothing about.

First of all, I am a woman. I have seen a lot and been through even more and I believe wisdom is acquired through experience. The knowledge of self has nothing to do with age. Don’t impugn my reason just yet.

We often never consider how much our childhood affects our lives as adults. If you’re one of those people who grew up without a proper male or father figure, if you have experienced some sort of abuse, you will understand.

It is an enormous struggle choosing someone you want to spend your life with, because you have no one to compare them with. So you settle.

You settle for the liars, the unfaithful and those who emotionally and physically abuse you - and call it love.

The absence of a mother leads to even bigger scars. They take longer to heal because every women needs to look up to someone.

These are all things that has some hand in the moulding of our young lives. Even if you’ve dealt with these issues personally, during a time of introspection, that won’t change the fact that it helped make you who you are today.

At an early age I learned not to judge people unless I have some sort of knowledge on what they’ve been through. I can thank God for that because if I hadn’t found peace with my own issues, I wouldn’t have been able to be a non-judgemental friend when I was needed.

A lack of information will leave you naive. This is a fact.

I don’t even want to start on the reputation we create for ourselves in our early teens. This remains for life. You can try to change it all you like, but it is similar to a red wine stain on your favourite white sweater. Ask me. I am still trying to show everyone I have changed my ways… maybe that’s the issue.

I am trying to show everyone, when I’m the only one that matters. Not that society makes it easy for us or helps us know our opinion should be the only opinion that should matter.

I am not Dr Phil, and I am not Mother Theresa either, but I can share how I’ve dealt with abuse, both physical and that of the soul, and I am only an email away.

Be good to yourself and others!