• Youth

The pain of growing up without parents

Michelline

Nawatises

This feature focuses on the challenges children face they do grow up with only one or no parents, as well as exploring why parents sometimes give up.

During childhood, parents are the initial point of contact for children. Children rely on them until they have gained maturity and can stand on their own. Here we look at one-parent households, guardians and runaway parents.

Unfortunately, once a child is born, a father is more likely to be the first to give up when it comes to taking responsibility for the child, due to paternity or financial concerns. One of the most common reasons for mothers to surrender parental responsibility is if they are unable to raise their children because of financial restrictions or because they were raped.

Some parents refuse to take responsibility for their child because it was an unanticipated pregnancy or because both parents are young and still rely on their parents. They are considered runaway parents since they do not financially support their children.

Another problem is when children suffer when parents fight.

When she was still minister for women affairs and child welfare, minister Netumbo Nandi-Ndaitwah said: “For heaven’s sake, how can people punish innocent children on the pretext that they are punishing the other party? And those children have no one else to care for them but their biological parents who have to do it equally. Just because the relationship between the two adults has failed.

Namibia’s orphaned children also face a number of hurdles.

According to the 2011 census, 13% of all children and adolescents under the age of 18 were either part or complete orphans, living with only one parent or none. UNICEF estimates that there are 250 000 orphans and vulnerable children, aged 18 or younger, living in Namibia, according to a 2011 report.

SOS Children’s Village is a non-profit organisation that helps children and their families. Many disadvantaged children and young people who have lost parents are cared for at the centre. The organisation helps them grow up in a loving family environment.

Michaela Fink and Reimer Gronemeyer, both sociologists with extensive experience in the field, conducted interviews with women who care for vulnerable children in Namibia.

They concluded that in many situations, vulnerable and parentless youngsters end up living in deplorable conditions. They have either been abandoned, abused, are malnourished, homeless, or live in shacks that offer little safety.

Due to this, caring Namibians have opened soup kitchens, orphanages, kindergartens and other begun other initiatives.

It is largely Namibian women who, through a variety of activities, create safe havens for these children.

In a culture where traditional social unity (families, neighbourhoods, rural surroundings) is collapsing, these new environments are both preserving and hopeful for the future. Other centres, such as Swakopmund’s Ruach Elohim, provide a haven for unwanted children.

Psychological effects

Arthur Spiegel, a psychology graduate at the University of Namibia (UNAM), explained: “Children who do not have parental figures in their lives are more likely to have behavioural issues.”

Often, the children are introverted, sad and develop anger against their guardian or single present, blaming them for the absence of the other parent. They also have a hard time making friends.

“They also experience anxiety and depression.

One of the most typical problems is referred to as “daddy and mommy” issues, wherein they date older people in the expectation of receiving the love and care of an absent parental figure.”

Spiegel adds that by approaching these issues one day at a time, they can be conquered.

“You may consult a psychologist because they have different strategies for dealing with emotional issues.” Psychologists examine the problem at hand before developing a strategy to address it.

He advises visiting a psychologist regularly. “Let us overcome the misconceptions that black people can’t have mental problems and that mental illness is only perceived as a white man’s problem.”